PRESS
MADRASTA - Quando o homem da sua vida já tem filhos
(STEPMOTHER When the man in your life already has children)
Is there anyone who doesn’t carry the image of the stepmother who
turned into a witch and terrified children in Snow White, or Cinderella’s
mean stepmother, who made her clean the palace all day long?
And the mean image of fairy tales lives on in the present and became a
practically indisputable synonym for stepmothers in our society. Evidence
of this is that if you look up the word “madrasta” (stepmother)
in a Portuguese language dictionary you’ll find it as an adjective
for “unloving, ungrateful and mean.”
In order to demystify the stepmother’s role and prove that a relationship
with a man who has children can work, teacher Roberta Palermo decided
to tell her story, presenting the most common problems and the most likely
solutions for each situation. Very simply and objectively she demonstrates
how the new family can function, formed by three other family systems
– the ex-wife’s, the ex-husband and children’s and the
current wife’s --, in which normally none agree with the new marriage.
In the book, "Madrasta, Quando o homem de sua vida já tem
filhos" (Stepmother, When the man in your life already has children),
Roberta reveals possible solutions for this difficult coexistence, and
in a cheerful mood shows us how to deal with this complicated kit of human
relationships and how to avoid its problematic traps, creating a happy
family.
"Roberta Palermo is able to go through all the structures of the
different family systems with which she interacts. She tries to understand
them all, demonstrating an incredible capability of putting herself in
the other person’s shoes. Consequently, she can successfully interpret
how the ex-wife must feel and also interpret the family structures of
the exes in terms of the intruder (herself), who enters the system causing
changes no one desired."
Maria Rita D'Angelo Seixas, PUC/SP doctor of psychology
and coordinator of the Family Therapy course of the Psychiatry Department
in the Universidade Federal de São Paulo - Escola Paulista de Medicina
About the author:
ROBERTA PALERMO – born in São Paulo, on
May 5, 1969. She is an Architecture and City Planning graduate from Faculdade
de Belas Artes de São Paulo, and since 1997 teaches two-year-old
children in a bilingual child education school. As a teenager she lived
with her father in Botucatu (SP), having to coexist with a very unpleasant
stepmother, and spent four years with her cousins in Assis (SP), where
she had the opportunity to live in an organized family and make great
friends. Since she began her experience as a stepmother, she has been
registering the most important incidents, intending to make a memoir for
her stepchildren, Tiago and Júlia, and now these notes are in this
book. She currently lives as harmoniously as possible with everyone, including
Pedro, the new couple’s son. She organizes the site Madrasta [ www.madrasta.hpg.ig.com.br
] and the Stepmother and Stepchild Association, AME, in which several
people who face the same problems come together and exchange experiences.
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SUBJECT SUGGESTIONS, based on the book MADRASTA
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*The husband
>Starting a complicated relationship
>Talking to the father to establish house rules
*The ex-wife
>She still likes the ex-husband
>She’ll badmouth you to the child
>It’s normal for her to be jealous of you
>She’ll ask for a higher alimony
>She calls all the time
>She accepts you peacefully
>There’s alimony that has to be paid every month
*The stepchildren
>Wait until your relationship with the father is strong to introduce
yourself to the child
>Act natural, they’re watching you. First you’ll be daddy’s
nice friend, bonding according to the child’s interests
>How to deal with the hope for a reconciliation between parents
>Avoid physical contact, hugs, kisses, in front of the child. Do not
stimulate jealousy. The father will have to be friendly and supportive
when the child is aloof
>Don’t turn the child into your counselor, don’t talk to
her/him about your personal problems with the father
>Don’t blame the child for the problems of the couple, don’t
pull her/him away from the father
>Make it clear that you are sad about the parent’s separation,
and that nobody is to blame
>Having two mothers is not possible. Never try to take the place of
the real mother
*The families
>You have your family
>You have your boyfriend’s family
>You have the ex-wife’s family
*The new home
>Organizing the children’s space in the father’s home,
respecting their objects and showing them it’s their home too
>Enjoying weekends with the children
>Establishing rules, limits and routines: “Why can I at home
and not here?”
>Creating familiar situations with the stepchild: reading time, a cozy
dinner, everyone in the bathroom watching dad shave, singing in the car,
have the child’s favorite CD or song
>When they want to leave
*Frequently asked questions
>Are you going to take care of other people’s children?
>What if the ex-wife is jealous of you with the children?
>What if his children don’t like you?
>What should you do not to occupy the mother’s place? What if
the children say they like you more than their own mother?
>What should you do if the children say they hate you?
>How to answer the children’s questions, for example: “Are
you dating my dad?”
>How should you act in terms of the money given to the ex-wife?
>What if she uses psychological pressure, using the children to get
something?
>When she calls the husband to talk about the children should you go
along?
>How is it going to be with the arrival of a baby brother?
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MADRASTA - Quando o homem da sua vida já tem filhos (STEPMOTHER
- When the man in your life already has children)
Author: Roberta Palermo
Preface: Maria Rita D´Angelo Seixas, PUC/SP doctor of psychology
Presentation: Denise de Sousa Feliciano Monteiro, psychologist, specialized
in combined therapy parents/baby from the Universidade Virtual Euro-América
and obtaining a master’s degree in clinical psychology at USP
Editora Mercuryo, Sao Paulo, 2002. Format: 14 X 21 cm - 96 pages - Price:
R$ 20,00
Classification: Behavior/Stepmother/The new family
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Press Secretary - Daniela
imprensa@mercuryo.com.br
Phone: (11) 5531-8222 extension 6 / 5096-1718
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